you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
