Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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