I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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