Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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