I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
