Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
