what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
