Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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