I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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