Screwed.edu
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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