so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
