I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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