that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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