I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
and you fell through a lawn chair
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
