All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize