It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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