I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
