News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize