Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
