She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
