We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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