I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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