Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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