can we get nightvision for the apartment?
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
