I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
