I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
