i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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