Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
