i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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