he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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