No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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