can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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