you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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