Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
