So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
