So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
