omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
