accomplished twins. life is a go
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
