if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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