I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
