I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
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