I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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