i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
