If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
