I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
