Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
