Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
