oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
