My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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