you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I need moral support for this bender
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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