He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
