new low.... made out with someone while peeing
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
