So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
