He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
