...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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