either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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