This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Randomize
