This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
