Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
