I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
