I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
