My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
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He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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