OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Damn victory sex feels great
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
