I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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